• What Did You Watch? 2026-09-01 (Tuesday)

    From Ubiquitous@weberm@polaris.net to rec.arts.tv on Wed Sep 2 04:30:41 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    I watched:

    Several review/recaps of the latest ep of LANTERNS.
    Wow, this show is sooo bad!

    Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is the DUMBEST of the DUMB!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOBvHmFmniw
    Just before going live for Afternoon T on Sunday, the new Major Grin
    video dropped showing how utterly stupid, cliched and contrived Strange
    New Worlds had become. So Az had to break it down.
    Holy crap! Who knew SG1 wojuld be prohetic?

    Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
    Than The PUPPETS!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU

    The Black Hole That Kills Galaxies - Quasars https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4Z8EdiJxgk

    What did you watch?
    --
    Democrats and the liberal media hate President Trump more than they
    love this country.

    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From The True Melissa@thetruemelissa@gmail.comNOSPAM to rec.arts.tv on Wed Sep 2 10:03:06 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:
    Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
    Than The PUPPETS!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU


    It sounds like ST:SNW is following the path of Community. It did
    a couple of concept episodes and got positive reactions, so when
    they ran out of regular ideas, they just started throwing
    concepts at the wall.
    --
    The meek shall inherit, we're told,
    But I'm not so easily sold.
    For supposing they should,
    It would do them no good --
    They'd lose it at once to the bold.
    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From Arthur Lipscomb@arthur@alum.calberkeley.org to rec.arts.tv on Wed Sep 2 20:44:15 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    On 9/2/2026 7:03 AM, The True Melissa wrote:
    Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:
    Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
    Than The PUPPETS!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU


    It sounds like ST:SNW is following the path of Community. It did
    a couple of concept episodes and got positive reactions, so when
    they ran out of regular ideas, they just started throwing
    concepts at the wall.



    This is a multiday catch up. Over the last few days I watched:

    Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid movie.
    This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash from
    fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a theatrical release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte) to
    sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
    failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner. This
    is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is quite a
    bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton of
    heart. In tone the movie is far closer to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
    than the earlier Warner live action / animated movies like "Space Jam."
    The movie is a bit of a love letter to fans of Looney Tunes.


    Battlestar Galactica (4K Disc) 1978 theatrical version of the TV series
    pilot. In this pilot movie, aliens known as Cylons launch a sneak
    attack during a peace conference wiping out the 12 colonies of humanity.
    The last Battlestar, commanded by Commander Adama (Lorne Greene),
    assembles what's left of humanity in search of a mythical planet called
    Dirt, I mean Earth. I know I've seen the pilot and first few episodes
    before, but I think this is the first time I've ever seen the theatrical
    edit of it. The main difference seems to be in the TV version Baltar is spared and sent to hunt humanity while in the theatrical edit he's
    executed by the Cylons. I've been looking forward to watching this for
    a while now. I guess it held up well enough.


    Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome (blu-ray) 2012 prequel movie set
    before the events of the 2004 series. The movie focuses on a young
    Adama who is sent behind enemy lines. I think this was probably my
    first time watching it since the original release. I guess it was OK.


    Battlestar Galactica (blu-ray) The original 2004 miniseries that
    launched the new series. In this reimaged version of the series, Cylons
    were created by humans and after 40 years of peace the Cylons, that now
    look human, decide to launch a sneak attack on the 12 human colonies.
    It's up to Battlestar Galactica under the command of Adama (Edward James Olmos) to save the day. The mini series ends with, "By your command." 😊


    Battlestar Galactica (blu-ray) Select episodes from season 1. The
    series held up great. It was interesting revisiting the series after so
    many years. I'm not sure what to make of the human form cylons and
    so-called philosophy. But in terns of gritty action and space battles
    the show delivered.

    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From anim8rfsk@anim8rfsk@cox.net to rec.arts.tv on Wed Sep 2 21:41:13 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    Arthur Lipscomb <arthur@alum.calberkeley.org> wrote:
    On 9/2/2026 7:03 AM, The True Melissa wrote:
    Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:


    Battlestar Galactica (4K Disc) 1978 theatrical version of the TV series pilot. In this pilot movie, aliens known as Cylons launch a sneak
    attack during a peace conference wiping out the 12 colonies of humanity.
    The last Battlestar, commanded by Commander Adama (Lorne Greene),
    assembles what's left of humanity in search of a mythical planet called Dirt, I mean Earth. I know I've seen the pilot and first few episodes before, but I think this is the first time I've ever seen the theatrical edit of it. The main difference seems to be in the TV version Baltar is spared and sent to hunt humanity while in the theatrical edit he's
    executed by the Cylons. I've been looking forward to watching this for
    a while now. I guess it held up well enough.


    I saw in the theater. It looked like ass, and the Sensurround, rumbled the entire time, no matter what was happening on screen.

    I later read an article on why it looked like ass. The effects guy was complaining that they used the original camera negative to make the TV show
    and a dupe neg to build the theatrical version. He said the stars were the
    size of golf balls to hold up through the multiple generations.
    --
    The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list.
    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From BTR1701@atropos@mac.com to rec.arts.tv on Thu Sep 3 04:52:08 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    On Sep 2, 2026 at 8:44:15 PM PDT, "Arthur Lipscomb" <arthur@alum.calberkeley.org> wrote:
    Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid movie.
    This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash from fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a theatrical release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte) to
    sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
    failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner. This
    is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is quite a
    bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton of heart.

    This sounds someone got hold of that federal tort claim suit that was written up by a law professor years ago (my torts professor passed it around in class back in the 90s) and turned it into a movie. Here it is in its entirety:

    COYOTE v. ACME, INC.
    IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT, SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT,
    TEMPE, ARIZONA
    CASE NO. B19294

    WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff
    v.
    ACME COMPANY, Defendant

    Opening statement of attorney for Mr. Coyote:

    My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income and mental suffering incurred
    as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of defendant company under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, §2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability.

    Mr. Coyote states that on 85 separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workman's Compensation.

    Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled, Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of 50 feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet
    trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment, the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled brought it (and Mr. Coyote) into collision with the side of a mesa.

    Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B), prepared by
    Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures, contusions
    and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head (excluding the ears),
    a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four limbs.

    Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to support himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant, as an aid to mobility, one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this product,
    however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that which occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in this case, two) to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger safety. Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard so violently as to leave in it a hole in the shape of his full silhouette.

    Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. (For a full
    listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalogue and attached deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an expected manner. To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiraling downward around it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The trough was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the X. Mr. Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and then,
    carrying the spherical Acme Bomb (Catalogue #78-832), climbed to the top of
    the butte. Mr. Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and Mr. Coyote proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate in Mr. Coyote's hands.

    In addition to reducing all of Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to naught,
    the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the following disfigurements to Mr. Coyote:

    1. Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck and muzzle.

    2. Sooty discoloration.

    3. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in
    the aftershock with a creaking noise.

    4. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking,
    frazzling and ashy disintegration.

    5. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.

    We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D. Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the
    University of Texas at Austin for analysis, but to date no explanation has
    been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release. Mr. Coyote believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.

    To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr. Coyote put his hind paws in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his right
    forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release. Within a short time, Mr. Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at full extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release.

    At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote forward and away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown and in defiance of the laws of physics, the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from
    Mr. Coyote. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in air. Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent, paw-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities.

    The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed. The
    boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its velocity. With each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or the
    boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some time.

    The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. Coyote, viz., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue,
    reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of vertebrae from base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues- a rare and painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordion-like wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a normal social life.

    As the Court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly on the manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is our contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment of
    the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and 200-foot-long rubber bands. Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote has no other domestic source of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again.

    Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of $17 million. In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages (missed meals, medical expenses,
    days lost from professional occupation) of $1 million; general damages (mental suffering, injury to reputation) of $20 million; and attorney's fees of $750,000. Total damages: $38,750,000. By awarding Mr. Coyote the full amount, this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers, shareholders, successors and assigns in the only language they understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law.


    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From BTR1701@atropos@mac.com to rec.arts.tv on Thu Sep 3 04:58:51 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    On Sep 2, 2026 at 1:30:41 AM PDT, "Ubiquitous" <weberm@polaris.net> wrote:

    What did you watch?

    BUDDY (theatrical)

    I had no idea what this was about. I was just tagging along with a couple of friends. I knew it was a horror movie but that was it.

    Buddy is the star of a kid's show, like Barney the Dinosaur. It soon becomes clear that things are not right in Kidland and bad things happen. It's bizarre and weird and a blood-soaked gore-fest. It also stars the cute Cristin Miloti from HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. And Topher Grace.


    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From The True Melissa@thetruemelissa@gmail.comNOSPAM to rec.arts.tv on Thu Sep 3 07:51:28 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    Arthur Lipscomb wrote in article <117aqei$3c62v$1@dont-email.me>:

    On 9/2/2026 7:03 AM, The True Melissa wrote:
    Ubiquitous wrote in article <UBI20260901@dont-email.me>:
    Strange New Worlds Is Doing A SOAP OPERA Episode And It Might Be Worse
    Than The PUPPETS!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEsbfjIFlhU


    It sounds like ST:SNW is following the path of Community. It did
    a couple of concept episodes and got positive reactions, so when
    they ran out of regular ideas, they just started throwing
    concepts at the wall.



    This is a multiday catch up. Over the last few days I watched:

    Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid movie.
    This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash from fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a theatrical release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte) to
    sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
    failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner. This
    is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is quite a
    bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton of heart. In tone the movie is far closer to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
    than the earlier Warner live action / animated movies like "Space Jam."
    The movie is a bit of a love letter to fans of Looney Tunes.

    Oh, this sounds fun. I'll see if I can access it. If it's a
    recent release, probably not.

    I'm still watching Scream Queens. It started out making no sense,
    and it's only gotten crazier. At some point it will spin out and
    become unwatchably silly, but right now it's still a fun ride.

    I also watched another episode of The Patient, but I was
    distracted and didn't follow all of it. That's a bummer. This
    show rewards close attention, to put it mildly. I may have to
    rewatch that episode.
    --
    The meek shall inherit, we're told,
    But I'm not so easily sold.
    For supposing they should,
    It would do them no good --
    They'd lose it at once to the bold.
    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From The True Melissa@thetruemelissa@gmail.comNOSPAM to rec.arts.tv on Thu Sep 3 07:54:20 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    anim8rfsk wrote in article
    <1607443765.810102289.877861.anim8rfsk-
    cox.net@news.easynews.com>:

    I saw in the theater. It looked like ass, and the Sensurround, rumbled the entire time, no matter what was happening on screen.

    I later read an article on why it looked like ass. The effects guy was complaining that they used the original camera negative to make the TV show and a dupe neg to build the theatrical version. He said the stars were the size of golf balls to hold up through the multiple generations.

    Wait, what? They deliberately made a bad version which will look
    decent in 50 years? That seems insane.

    Why are they dorking around with negatives instead of using
    digital cameras?
    --
    The meek shall inherit, we're told,
    But I'm not so easily sold.
    For supposing they should,
    It would do them no good --
    They'd lose it at once to the bold.
    --- Synchronet 3.21d-Linux NewsLink 1.2
  • From Nyssa@Nyssa@LogicalInsight.net to rec.arts.tv on Fri Sep 4 09:21:21 2026
    From Newsgroup: rec.arts.tv

    BTR1701 wrote:

    On Sep 2, 2026 at 8:44:15 PM PDT, "Arthur Lipscomb" <arthur@alum.calberkeley.org> wrote:
    Coyote vs. Acme (theatrical) New live action / animated hybrid
    movie.
    This movie was infamously shelved by Warner Brothers until backlash
    from
    fans got them to sell the film to an independent studio for a
    theatrical
    release. The plot has Wile E. Coyote getting a lawyer (Will Forte)
    to
    sue the Acme Corporation due to all the Acme products consistently
    failing over the years he's been trying to catch the Road Runner.
    This
    is a very simplistic overview of the plot. The actual movie is
    quite a
    bit deeper than that IMO. It's billed as a comedy, but it has a ton
    of
    heart.

    This sounds someone got hold of that federal tort claim suit that was
    written
    up by a law professor years ago (my torts professor passed it around
    in class
    back in the 90s) and turned it into a movie. Here it is in its
    entirety:

    COYOTE v. ACME, INC.
    IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT, SOUTHWESTERN DISTRICT,
    TEMPE, ARIZONA
    CASE NO. B19294

    WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff
    v.
    ACME COMPANY, Defendant

    Opening statement of attorney for Mr. Coyote:

    My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous
    states,
    does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company,
    manufacturer and
    retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware
    and doing
    business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks
    compensation
    for personal injuries, loss of business income and mental suffering
    incurred
    as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of
    defendant company
    under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, §2072,
    subsection (a),
    relating to product liability.

    Mr. Coyote states that on 85 separate occasions he has purchased of
    the Acme
    Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to
    defects
    in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling. Sales slips made out
    to Mr.
    Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the
    Court,
    marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have
    temporarily
    restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of
    predator. Mr.
    Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workman's
    Compensation.

    Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via
    parcel
    post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the
    Rocket
    Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket
    Sled, Mr.
    Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his
    prey in the
    distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the
    handlebars, the
    Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to
    stretch
    Mr. Coyote's forelimbs to a length of 50 feet. Subsequently, the rest
    of Mr.
    Coyote's body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain
    to his
    back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing
    jet
    trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast
    of his
    prey. At that moment, the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to
    the right.
    Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was
    unable to, due
    to poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or
    nonexistent
    braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the
    Rocket Sled
    brought it (and Mr. Coyote) into collision with the side of a mesa.

    Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B),
    prepared by
    Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple fractures,
    contusions
    and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a result of this
    collision. Repair
    of the injuries required a full bandage around the head (excluding
    the ears),
    a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four limbs.

    Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to
    support
    himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant, as an aid to
    mobility,
    one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this
    product,
    however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that
    which
    occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the
    counter, without
    caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in this case,
    two) to
    inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger
    safety.
    Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket
    Skates
    soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard
    so
    violently as to leave in it a hole in the shape of his full
    silhouette.

    Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this
    document he
    has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant: the Acme
    "Little
    Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb, etc. (For a
    full
    listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalogue and attached
    deposition,
    entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe to say that not
    once has
    an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an
    expected
    manner. To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and
    personal
    effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a
    wooden trough
    beginning at the top of the butte and spiraling downward around it to
    some few
    feet above a black X painted on the desert floor. The trough was
    designed in
    such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant
    would roll
    easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the
    X. Mr.
    Coyote placed a generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and
    then,
    carrying the spherical Acme Bomb (Catalogue #78-832), climbed to the
    top of
    the butte. Mr. Coyote's prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and
    Mr. Coyote
    proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to
    the stem,
    causing the bomb to detonate in Mr. Coyote's hands.

    In addition to reducing all of Mr. Coyote's careful preparations to
    naught,
    the premature detonation of Defendant's product resulted in the
    following
    disfigurements to Mr. Coyote:

    1. Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck and muzzle.

    2. Sooty discoloration.

    3. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle
    in
    the aftershock with a creaking noise.

    4. Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking,
    frazzling and ashy disintegration.

    5. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.

    We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair
    of these
    purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff's Exhibit D.
    Selected
    fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of the University of Texas at Austin for analysis, but to date no
    explanation has
    been found for this product's sudden and extreme malfunction. As
    advertised by
    Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal
    sandals, each
    attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and
    compressed in a
    tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release.
    Mr. Coyote
    believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey
    in the
    initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.

    To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote
    affixed them
    by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the
    boulder was a
    path which Mr. Coyote's prey was known to frequent. Mr. Coyote put
    his hind
    paws in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his
    right
    forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release. Within a short time,
    Mr.
    Coyote's prey did indeed appear on the path coming toward him.
    Unsuspecting,
    the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at
    full
    extension. Mr. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to
    pull the
    lanyard release.

    At this point, Defendant's product should have thrust Mr. Coyote
    forward and
    away from the boulder. Instead, for reasons yet unknown and in
    defiance of the
    laws of physics, the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes thrust the boulder
    away from
    Mr. Coyote. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung
    suspended
    in air. Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a
    violent,
    paw-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities.

    The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound,
    whereupon Mr.
    Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed.
    The
    boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to
    bounce down
    a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its
    velocity.
    With each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or
    the
    boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact
    with the
    ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some
    time.

    The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to
    Mr. Coyote,
    viz., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of
    vertebrae from
    base of tail to head. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis
    produced a
    series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote's body tissues- a
    rare and
    painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand upward and
    contract
    downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordion-
    like
    wheezing with every step. The distracting and embarrassing nature of
    this
    symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. Coyote's pursuit of a
    normal social
    life.

    As the Court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly on
    the
    manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work. It is
    our
    contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the
    detriment of
    the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant
    kites,
    Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and 200-foot-long rubber bands. Much as
    he has
    come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote has no other
    domestic source
    of supply to which to turn. One can only wonder what our trading
    partners in
    Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a
    giant company
    is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most reckless and
    wrongful manner
    over and over again.

    Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger
    economic
    implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of $17
    million. In
    addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages (missed meals, medical
    expenses,
    days lost from professional occupation) of $1 million; general
    damages (mental
    suffering, injury to reputation) of $20 million; and attorney's fees
    of
    $750,000. Total damages: $38,750,000. By awarding Mr. Coyote the full
    amount,
    this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers,
    shareholders,
    successors and assigns in the only language they understand, and
    reaffirm the
    right of the individual predator to equal protection under the law.

    The author is Ian Frazier, but I have no information
    about his background. He did a number of humorous
    articles for magazines, including this one.

    It's currently available in a book "Coyote v. Acme"
    along with several of his other articles.

    A humorous lawyer. Whodathunkit?

    Nyssa, who has worked with ex-lawyers who switched
    to programming, but this is the first lawyer she's
    heard of who switched to writing humorous stuff


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